Alev Kelter

On a mountain in Alaska, having seen her Olympic dream come to an end, in her mind Alev Kelter battled everything. She questioned celibacy, her sexuality, her life goals, her purpose. And she found answers. Then, back at the lodge, rugby found her.

Ever since she moved to Alaska when she was eight years old, ice hockey had battled soccer in the ambitions of Alev Kelter, the 30-year-old American back, signed by Saracens at the start of the year. International age-grade honours in both had arrived in her early teens, and it was only when she was 22, a year out from the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics, that she put hockey first to make the squad. But she didn’t make the cut. “It was devastating for me when I didn’t make the team, but there was a lot of stuff going on in college that I was discovering,” she tells Rugby Journal. “For me growing up as a catholic, I found it really challenging when I got to college and I started having feelings for my female roommate. I started to struggle with my identity, my sexuality and how my life looked going forward.  

“I was very conservative growing up and I made my pact with God to play sport, but I was starting to struggle with it,” she admits. “I remember feeling like, ‘well God, I made this pact with you, and I’ve done all these things for you and, and now I’m gay?’.”

Showing her commitment to her sport as well as her religion, Alev – who, it seems, could have taken her pick of sports to be good at – had been totally focused on achieving the Winter Olympic goal that always stayed just beyond her reach, and so she ignored huge parts of her personal life. “I’d also made a pact with myself that I was going to be invested in celibacy and basically live like a nun but in the world rather than in a cloister,” she explains. “So, during the time that I was meant to be all-in on hockey, I had these two huge pacts that I was struggling with. 

“I had team-mates who were out and really happy but I still had all this internal emotional turmoil. I started not being fully present at practice and at the international camps and worried about things that were in the way, that were blockading this (Olympic) dream. In a year when I should have been thriving, all I was really doing was surviving. 

“When I didn’t make it, the devastation that happens from that and the accumulation of everything that was happening in my personal life all comes to this massive ‘you’re not good enough’. 

“That’s what it came down to,” she continues, adding, “this feeling of unworthiness. That I’m not worthy of that accolade. You know, somehow part of me is not right. And I’d been battling with these feelings anyway; the successful Alev that people saw and what I was feeling was not congruent, so that final ‘no’ when I got cut was pretty devastating.” 

Honesty is without doubt a trait of Alev, but she still catches herself. “I’m sorry as I don’t really think that I answered your question,” she admits, laughing. “If you want you can cut all that and I can just answer that it was really tough and upsetting not making the team. 

“I remember I took a few months out and I went home to Alaska to regroup and went snowboarding,” she explains, finally closing the answer loop that had begun with ‘what did you do after missing out on the Olympics?’. 

Snowboarding is a good answer though, and probably how a lot of Alaskans deal with problems. 

Alaska’s impact on Alev’s life has been immense. She moved around a lot as a child due to her dad’s role as an air force pilot in the US military, but the family finally settled down in the Last Frontier: eight-year-old Alev, along with her parents, twin sister Derya, older brother Erol and younger brother Aydin. The move to Alaska saw her broaden her sporting curriculum. “I’d started getting involved in soccer programmes from as young as four,” says Alev. “I was shocked when I got to Alaska to see how many people played hockey.  

“High schools, middle schools and even elementary schools all had hockey rinks outside them and it was kind of what people did at lunch or recess or whatever. I learned a lot about hockey and how to play when I was there.” 

Despite its popularity, there wasn’t a female team for her age group, but Alev quickly found a way around this. “I just started playing with the boys,” she says nonchalantly. “I mean in boys’ hockey you can check [a short Google reveals that you’re effectively allowed to take out the player in possession of the puck] and this definitely helped build a lot of my competitive nature. I was always quite a rough kid and my two brothers played (American) football. We were often made to be tackle dummies from when we were really young. Then we’d always have competitions between us kids like who could run up this mountain the quickest or snowboard this or do that. It was a very active childhood and for my mum having to look after four kids with loads of energy it was great for her to get us doing as much sport as we could just to tire us out. 

“I suppose when I look back at my upbringing it was very different to most, but growing up I didn’t know any different. It’s only now when I compare it to other’s that I realise mine was a little different, running around Alaska, playing hockey with the boys. Although I didn’t realise it at the time, everything I was doing then really helped me in my rugby career.” 

Despite the fact she took up hockey when she arrived in Alaska, soccer was still an important part of her life. “The biggest challenge for me when I got to Alaska was continuing playing soccer,” she says. “As you can imagine, not a lot of soccer scouts come up there and scout Alaskans. The place isn’t really known for its soccer, but when I think back it was wonderful to see the support that I got.  

“When I was fourteen, I tried out for the national youth development squad for my age group and I made it all the way to the national selects side. I was the first-ever Alaskan to do that and throughout all the trials and camps that I had to go through to get there, I was always supported. It’s still something I’m really proud of as it told me, even if something has never been done before, it doesn’t mean it’s not possible. When I got to the squad, everyone nicknamed me ‘Alaska’ which was pretty cool and it made me unique and stand out which I was very thankful for.” 

Not content with national recognition in one sport, she repeated the feat in hockey, making the national age group hockey squad. “I wasn’t sure which one I was going to specialise in. I always thought that my sporting abilities were gifts God had given me and I want to share these gifts with everyone. I decided to try out for both hockey and soccer and whichever one I got selected for, that would be my pathway.  

“I made a pact with God and I said to him: ‘Alright God, I’ll play whatever sport you want me to’. But then I ended up making both squads and I was like, ‘Well now what?’” says Alev, laughing. “I was puzzled at first but then I realised, both were my calling and I should go as far as I could in both sports until one door closes and another one opens.  

“I decided that was my pact with God, I’d follow both sports regardless of how hard that would be when it came to picking schools that offered both. I didn’t have a favourite between the two, so it was a blessing to be in the predicament I was.”  

It was only at eighteen, when a chance of selection for the Winter Olympics beckoned, that Alev chose one over the other. “I wanted a school that offered both hockey and soccer as I wanted to continue playing both,” she says. “But the reason I chose the University of Wisconsin is because I received a handwritten letter from their soccer coach Paula Wilkins saying they were interested in me. 

“I’d received a couple of letters which were all quite scripted and auto-populated, but this one really stood out. I then did a bit of digging into her and found out she was the winningest coach at Penn State and that she was making the move over to Wisconsin. 

“Then from the hockey side of things, Mark Johnson was the coach there and he had also been my coach in the year I captained the national U18 side to gold. So I already knew him and had a great respect for him, but he was also a phenomenal player who knew how to win. There’s an amazing Disney film called Miracle, have you seen it?”  

We haven’t. “You’ve got to watch it! It’s unbelievable,” she enthuses. “It’s where in the 1980s, a bunch of American college kids went up against the Soviets. At the time the Soviets were unbelievable at hockey and these college kids had an average age of like 21 or 22. Anyway it was the Olympic gold medal game and the USA managed to win, it was an unbelievable feat and I think Mark Johnson, my coach, scored two goals in that match. He was a phenomenal leader and to have him at Wisconsin, and to have Paula coming over to coach soccer, it just felt like all the stars were aligning for me.” 

In Wisconsin, she was able to balance both sports, until making that decision to focus on hockey ahead of the Winter Olympics. But then she didn’t make the team, which clearly had big consequence to her life in many ways. “It was great for me as it taught me to be resilient and I learnt that it’s okay to be me but I can also be catholic,” she says, as the conversation returns to religion, which has always played a big role in her life. “I don’t have to lose one or the other. It took me a while to understand that. It was a hard lesson but also a blessing about who I am and what I’m believing and professing. It’s something  I would never change because I learnt so much from it.” 

We bring the story full circle, to when she was out on the mountain after the Olympic rejection. “All my life had been defined by the yeses and the success, but the biggest thing is that they don’t define you; it’s about your purpose. 

“I was always focused on being a world-class athlete, but I learnt that being a world-class person is more important. On that mountain I had an epiphany where I fully realised this and that I was no less of a human because they said no to me and to be who I am, and to profess who I am. It felt so freeing when I did that.” 

And then we get to the rugby. “The other thing that crazily happened on the same day was when I got back to the lodge and saw I had a missed call on my phone. I didn’t recognise the number but it turned out it was from Rick Suget, the US Olympic Sevens head coach.  

“I listened to the voicemail and it was very to the point: he just said, ‘hey this is Rick Suget from USA Rugby, I got your number from a flag football High School team-mate of yours, Laurie Clifford, she said you’re a phenomenal athlete that you’re a twin and you might want to give rugby a try. If this is true, like, call me back’.  

“At first, I thought it was a prank from my twin sister and I didn’t believe it was real. But then after chatting to my mum she said, ‘what’s the worst thing that could happen if you phone him back, that they say to you “oh sorry, we’ve got the wrong person?” Well, you heard that from hockey!’ 

“So, I phoned Rick back and he explained to me that he’d played in the Canadian Football League, was coaching the Olympic team for rugby and that they were looking for disciplined athletes to transition to rugby from other sports. I told him that I’d never touched a rugby ball and he very calmly replied, ‘we have plenty of rugby balls here in San Diego, I’ll see you in two weeks’. Then he put the phone down.

“I was a little stunned at first but given everything else that had happened, I was at a place in my life where I was willing to take risks and it had always been a dream of mine to play professional sport and this was a chance for me to redefine myself. I had always wanted to make an Olympic team and that wasn’t going to happen in hockey and so when this other avenue just fell into my lap, I wasn’t going to take no for an answer!” 

With her newfound determination, Alev travelled to San Diego at the start of January 2014 to take part in a week-long training camp. “Yeah, so I flew out to join the other sevens girls only two weeks after getting that phone call from Rick,” she explains. “I didn’t have a clue what to expect but went there with an open mind. I was just running around all over the place for five days but at the end of the week we had a scrimmage against Canada. I did pretty well in that, I scored some tries, but I didn’t do very well when it came to tackling as I just didn’t really know a thing about it! I went in quite high so conceded a couple of penalties and was a bit of a mess but I did enough for them to say, ‘let’s look at contracting her’ and then I was blessed to get a contract in March.” 

That contract also came with a new passion for rugby ethics. “One of the things I’ve really learnt from rugby is the importance of camaraderie among your team-mates,” continues Alev. “When I was playing hockey, I didn’t have the best rapport with them, I was often too worried about my numbers and my plus/minus stats rather than getting to know the beautiful, strong women I played with. When you’re playing at the highest level, the pressure can push out the ugliest parts of you and so I didn’t help myself. Whereas when I came to rugby, everyone welcomed me with open arms and I got a real sense they wanted to teach me rugby just because they loved it so much and wanted to share it with everyone.” 

With the support of her team-mates, just two and a half years after being told she was not going to make the Sochi Olympics, she was told she was going to be going to Rio. “I still can’t believe it happened, that I was at the Olympics in 2016 having only first touched a rugby ball in January 2014! Yes, it was a testament to being an amazing athlete but credit has to go to the coaches and my team-mates for teaching me. It would have been a miracle had one person learnt that transition on their own!” 

In Brazil, she was USA’s top try-scorer, but couldn’t get them past the Black Ferns, as they fell to a 5-0 loss to New Zealand in the quarter finals, finishing fifth overall.  

Then, at 25, Alev finally found her sporting end-game, fifteen-a-side rugby, but even that came by chance. “We had just finished sevens training and I noticed a lot of the girls heading off to another session,” she explains. “Being curious I asked where they were going and found they were off to fifteens practice. I’d known about fifteens for years but never really played it and the coach at the time, Pete Steinberg, said if I was interested, he’d love to have me. 

“I got permission from Rick and then we were able to train for the World Cup the next year. It was a really natural transition and I just love rugby, so it didn’t matter what form of the game it was. I realised there was such a strategic part to fifteens that I found I was missing in sevens and so I hands down fell in love with it. In sevens everything happens so quickly and it’s so reactive, whereas in fifteens you have to think like three or four steps ahead. It’s a real mindset that I had to develop.” 

As with rugby players the world over, Alev took to touring. “I really love being on tour with the fifteens girls as there are so many more people,” she says. “You can dip in and out of different groups of people and they all have such great personalities. Because we’re not in a residency with fifteens, it means I only see these women every three or four months for a camp, but when I do it’s so great and we always pick up immediately from where we’ve left off.” 

Last year, the focus was sevens, where after winning all three games on the first day at the Tokyo Olympics, USA fell to an inspired Great Britain side in the quarter final. But this year the emphasis is on the fifteens and the World Cup. “I’ve been playing rugby for the last eight years, but I’ve only got 16 caps within fifteens. Now I’m preparing for New Zealand later this year, I’ve asked myself what do I need to do to do my part for this team and to make sure that we’re in the best position to back up our fourth place finish (in 2017) and to medal this time out.” 

The answer is to fully throw herself into the fifteen-a-side game and join Saracens Women. It was a move that came about very quickly, but one she’s loving. “To be playing alongside the likes of Zoe (Harrison), Holly (Aitchison), Marlie (Packer), Poppy (Cleall), I’m learning so much every day. I’m playing across a whole range of positions and it’s been a bit like a trial by fire, but I knew it would be when I moved over here. I’m just trying to be like a sponge and soak up everything I can before the World Cup. 

“There’s loads of us (Americans) playing in the Premier 15s now; there’s probably enough of us that we could have some training camps over here! It’s all going to help us as we’re playing in the best league in the world and getting more experience of the game and taking ourselves outside of our comfort zones.” 

When she looks back at her path that took her all the way from soccer and ice hockey in Alaska, to Olympic games, World Cups and now going for cream teas after training in St Albans, she feels pretty grateful about how it’s all worked out. “I just feel so blessed. Blessed that I found rugby, blessed with everyone I met in sevens, blessed that I got this opportunity within fifteens, blessed that I met my partner, blessed that I have all these amazing people around me and blessed with all these new experiences. I’m so thankful for all of it.”

Story by  Xander Chevallier

Pictures by  Oli Hillyer-Riley

This extract was taken from issue 17 of Rugby.
To order the print journal, click here.